15 Aug（金）

今天生病了，呼吸好困难，好像就来死这样，死掉也没关系反正都没人会关心。 但是我想过我要看到她后才死， 所以我一定会坚持到底。usk usk usk.

14 Aug(木)

现在很累,也没有精神写, 明天再继续.

13 Aug (水)

今天做好了我妈的车，然后就买了3个轮子，早上就做工，也好像昨天一样。但是到了晚上，去完吃晚餐后，会到来就开始又想那些不快乐的东西了。朋友又send我一些爱情的歌，弄得我更加的...... 看来又要看一些相片发个我想要的结局的梦。希望不会弄巧反拙。

12 Aug(火)

今天的心情比较好了,可能是因为有工作吧. 就做工咯,一边作一边看奥运, 就这样过了这一天咯,没什么奇怪的事情发生, 想想快点找到钱然后学日文和吉他,可以的话学埋钢琴,现在想学的东西咯,然后再读我的course（电脑）。 看咯，现在要做的就是努力点做工，哈哈。奇怪，在部落各第一次笑吧。怪怪的。

曾经的爱

转眼间,就已经过了18年, 最快乐的15岁到18岁已经过去了,后悔的没留下半点只得回念的事情,快乐的日子已经从现实中溜走, 后悔的没把书读好, 头脑也随着年份而开始老化, 在街上走着走着,左边是一对情侣,右边是一对夫妻,而中间的我却是蚂蚁一只,没有吸引力的东西,也没人会去理它到底是怎样的人, 心情地落实,就躺在床上发呆,高兴时也没人想知道. 就算想找个知己都没这机会, 到了一天比较失落的那天, 曾经找到过一个谈得来的女孩, 以为这可能就是我的一切时,他就像在空气中消失了, 找不到它的影子,也找不到它的香味,跟加的找不回我的感受了, 一天比一天的低落,也就很少有一天会在开心回, 我还以为爱不会伤害到任何人,但是看来爱,可以是致命的武器, 也可以是治伤的良药.看来我的人生是会一个人默默地走下去了,伤心的一天一天的加重, 看几时是伤心的死亡日.

11 Aug(月)

已经开始了,不想再过着一些后悔的日子了,也不想再浪费时间了, 这是我第一次觉得不够时间用,爱情这东西曾经试过放下,但是都做不到,我是不是因该做好自己的东西等爱来呢?我真的不想再活在一个人的世界里,看着其他人在人海中认识, 我也可以吗? 已经快爆庇了,很难受,很辛苦,很失望.

10 Aug(日)

今天一早就到城市去了,到了城市看到了不少的情侣,再想下自己就觉得很惭愧.但是过后我们就到药材店买药材,接着本来想到chinatown吃东西，但是因为是星期日，所以没开。接着我就在赌场过了我整个下午。开心是固然开心， 但是也带有一点的悲伤。没关系啦！总会有一天我会找到她的。

9 Aug(土)

最近看了很多悲剧,也感受到很多爱情的力量,而且在这些悲剧里,能否给我一些明路?真的很想会像悲剧里一样的主角一样,找到爱着对方的情感. 我是否能找到我心目中的爱呢?是否能找到他也会爱我的人呢? 我不想只找一个我爱的人,虽然很自私,很勉强,但可否给我找到呢? 18岁了,连一次都没给过我,看到那么多病都在这个年龄去世,而我虽然没病,但是活在一个没爱情的世界里,反而觉得如果可以轰轰烈烈的爱一场,死又何妨. 难道我真的那么难相处吗?经常都胡思乱想,差不多已经到了我的尽头了. 我会不会因此而变疯呢? 我会不因此而发奋图强呢? 真不懂怎么爱惜.

8 Aug (金)

今天终于等到我的身分来了，而且我还发现我白等了两个月，其实我的身分已经在六月时完成，但是那封信没传到我家来，现在都不懂要干吗，还是对这里的环境很陌生，不懂从哪里开始，做工还是读书好呢？做工又要到哪里找工呢？读书要读什么科好呢？真是伤脑筋经。怕读了这一科又会后悔，怎么办好呢？还是下城市找工和读书咯。可能这会更好。有意见吗？

7 Aug(木)

今天没什么事发生就只是我有柔道练习. 晚上就等人来跟我谈天咯.但是很可惜,一个都没有.关于我的梦,终于给我梦到我的偶像了,梦境里是说我跟她拍拖,还蛮傻的,如果真实生活里哪会有这样的可能呢? 还是天天发梦比较好, 至少我还会有机会在在梦里跟一两个女孩子一起, 但在现实里,我可能会是他们口里说的花心少男.

6 Aug (水)

现在回想一下,真的我这个人好象很不对劲,认识那么多人,但是大多数的都好像很不喜欢我这个性,是不是我那里做错了什么,还是样子簑, 除了这些之外我真的一点用都没有吗? 看着他们快乐的send comment给对方，而我的却一个都没有，想到就伤心，也许我的出现根本就不存在，还是忘记在基隆玻的事情，忘记所有的朋友，然后再这重新来过，可能会更好。一定要很加油的为自己打算一下了。

5 Aug (火)

今天也没什么特别的事情发生,过着平静又闷又没爱情的生活. 当说到爱情,就会想起我的偶像,没可能的爱情, 也因为这样,使得我每一天都无精打采,就连说话也没力气.不懂在搞什么.唯一我能想的就是明天可能会更好,而有一天我一定会看到你,然后跟你拍照,想到就高兴.看一下做梦又会梦到谁好了.晚安!

4 August (月)

今天早上又发了一场奇怪的梦, 竟然是跟思亚有关, 竟然会在梦中假扮他的哥哥, 而现实上他根本就没有哥哥, 至于梦中的详细资料我已经很模糊了,所以就不提咯. 整个下午都没事做直到晚上有柔道练习, 踏着脚车在0度的天气走, 真的冷得要命. 而回的时候竟然不觉得冷.回到家时就赶快去吃晚餐咯, 然后就跑进来玩电脑了.然后现在准备去睡觉咯.(12:42)

suddenly think

suddenly i feel like i'm so lonely, no friends for me to chat with and also feel like having a relation of love with other is so good, thats y people always say a person without love is so ugly, now i know what they talking now. is that friends only a part of my life? with them or not still the same? very emo now.

Damn Internet

arghhhh, y the internet is so slow, makes me so excited about closed note(movie of erika sawajiri). still need to wait 7 days to recover the speed la. grrr. y?y?y? T_T

A Dream of Sacrifice Aug1

this dream is starting from a way to bush, and that bush is having a party something. when i reach there, i buy a ticket from a counter and then don know y she say that if u buy a expensive 1 u will hav ur lunch and dinner later, in dream i don know y that i don want to buy it just past by into the bush, in there suddenly i know a girl,after that de dream has change into another dream di. the next dream is something i like a girl that she already hav her bf but they has seperated, and this dream is in a shopping centre, and we(about 7-10 person) are going to make a party of eating, everybosy is thinking to buy something to put on de party, and that girl i like make some mistake on buying wrong item that others wants, she get scold by other and just sit aside, after that i suddenly don know y i go into a toilet and inside got a birdnest or what and it ask me to drink it after i drink it i walk out of the toilet and heard that people say something about already put something into the birdnest soup. after that i just walk back to that girl i like, after that, de dream change into a view of watching drama at a hall, that girl's ex-bf has missing and after a several second he appear with some monster is something like a hydra by sucking him into it, that girl look very sad because of it and i just decide to help him(girl's bf') by pulling a ugly hydra and it appear its eye and ask who did that, weird right, and i and a dream friend just discuss to exchange him with me to hydra so that girl wont be that sad, and that dream just end here, wish to continue but doesnt work, a weird dream. and 1 thing, this shapping mall is a dream of mine from 15 years old is a same view. thats all i tell.

Judo's training process

haha, today i got into pair with a pretty young girl, haha. just thinking is the 1st time i am so lucky, but anyway it was a happy thing to have it. i feel like i'm so ham sup, haha. but i don think all those suff , she is a kind girl thats y i'm so close to her, even though all de skil we training is like close stuff, erm, just close, hope that time my cloth doesnt smelly. haha. if not i give her a bad look, next time wouldnt hav that chance anymore. oh ya, her name is chelsea, only below 15years old, thats y i say no thinking dirty, erm, i think thats all i need to say.

A dream of July 30

its been a nice dream for me, i having a dream is about my friends yen sern, kin, zihui and a waitress of a bar. we been having a drink and chatting all around. Also, my attention are always change to zi hui, i don know y. maybe because of yesterday before i slept, i was looking at her blog's photo gua. hehe. i think in this dream, these all friends are my close friend but sometimes they are so busy to work and study, the only one who left behind is me. i wont angry, but just abit unhappy to feel that i cant chat with them all de time.

Second Last Of July Morning

Its been a hard morning for me to wake up at 6am so that to prove it to my mum that i can wake up early but that doesnt happen. the alarm is set but has been ignore by my tireness. So i wake up at 9am now. i hope slowly it will change it to more early to wake up.

July 29 Morning

This morning i was so mad about my mum, she sudddenly shout at me to wake me up from 7am, this is so irritating, because i just having a good dream, and she just tell me to wake up and help her up. everyday she also didnt do that before, don know y today like become another person di. what i do is just keep sleeping and try to get another good dream but she just keep shout shout shout, keep cutting all de good things i wan to hav(dream).

July 28 A Freezing Night

nothing happen on de day time but starting 6pm, i got my judo training, today's training was so not fun, not many people is there, and so no leng lui coming also, because before de judo training there is some pretty come for practice some self defence stuff. but today they didnt appear. lucky i didnt go there early, because i always be a human sand bag and let them throw here and there. just joking, not throw that much just slam me down. its been de half year waiting for my permenant residen visa, it still like no sound back from de goverment. It don hav a time for me to know when is the visa coming, just like wood waiting for the day to die, is so boring. after come back from de judo training, i was so hungry but only sausages for me to eat, this make my mood into hungry. after i got my dinner, i just take my bath and then jump up to my bed and write this blog with my laptop after being a chat with zi hui. i think thats today's. good night.

July 27 a rainny day

Today i been wake up at 9am so that i can make it in time to community centre to watch judo competition, i take off at 9.30am, when i reach there, i found out that under 13player is already finish there competing, and i thought that de competition is finish, but after i meet my club member only know that just in de process. acuatly i come to this competing is to see wether can find a partner for my self or not, what a dreamming, but it doesnt work. but this doesnt makes me feel disapointed, because at there, i found some pretty girl and hav a photo with them. during de competing, i saw alot birds laying their wings and stand at de roof of community, making a sound like having a big ice rain, but after hat it really hav a iced rain. in oanother way, our club gain 3 gold and 1 silver medal in this competing, and i also learn many skill from this competing. after de end presentaion, we take all de map that use during de competition and also some chairs. after that i borrow a ball from a person i don know, and i play with some kids, its been a long time didnt play basketball, it makes me a bit excited even thought is playing with kids. about half an hour has past, i went into a dancing room in de community, because our club has making a BBQ there, so i just pop in to get some eat, and there i got some photo from them too. and sometimes i follow micheal and keane to go to a racing track beside de community. firstly they chat about all de dirty stuff, makes me abit shy shy. i'm so weirdo. even though they are only 13 years old, they don fell shy about talking all those stuff. after that, about 4.30pm i decided to go back home, in de middle of going home, de weather is so cold, it makes me feel like my hand is freezing into ice or something. after i reach home, i just having a hot bath and jump up my electric blanket bed and hav a new dream on.